How does God do it? I'm not comparing myself to God or anything,... but how does He never sleep and is always there for us with His best plan and purpose for us. Always waiting for me to drag myself out of whatever pity party or distraction I have made for myself and come talk to Him and spend time with Him. And he does that with every single person He created whether they chose to believe in Him or not.
Even when I am a bumbling, fumbling, forgetful, needy mess,... He loves me. Whether I do anything good or just sit here complaining of my lack of sleep and fuzzy holiday plans, He loves me. And not just a 'how cute', pat my head, pitiful kind of love, but a ferocious 'I will do anything I have to do to seek you out, and tell you, and show you that I created you and I would even die for you', kind of love.
I catch a glimpse of His love in my relationship with my children. I love them to the moon and back and so fiercely I could hurt others to defend them, but I am powerless to make them do anything, or to protect then for that matter. I can talk with them, guide them, pray for them and pray over them but ultimately they have a free will and they exercise it every day. The best I can do is have a relationship with them and remind them of how much they are loved, but ultimately, really the very best I can do is point them to their real Father, who created them and has the best plans for them. Once in a while I catch a little preview of what God has in store and how He has been working things out for good all along. And then at other times I am left wondering what is going on, how is He going to work this out for good?
The boy is loving Germany and has some leads for future ministry in Africa, with an evangelist that has deep ties to ministries in Israel too. Africa, of all places, Africa is the one place he said he had no desire to go. I find that hilarious, so did he when we texted today. And Israel, can't think of a more dangerous place (well maybe LA, but I'm ahead of myself here). Tomorrow he meets with this godly old man and they will talk details. I pray that is this is where God wants him that it will be so, if not, then that those doors would shut and redirect him. But I'm OK with him being overseas and in danger is He is following God's leading every step of the way. How do i know he is? By glimpses in our rare conversations, but really what gives me peace is that I pray that God has a hold of his heart and leave it in His hands.
Then there's the girl. Of all places to live and go to school, she chose, may I add with my blessing, LA. Right now I almost rather she be in Israel or Africa, but not really. She has always been a magnet for strange people. I could go on about homeless people throwing burritos at her, customers where she works getting really weird, drama, drama,... it just follows her. OK, so she is going to school full time and working almost full time, how much trouble can she get into? I swear trouble just seeks her out. So here I am praying for her safety, almost not wanting to know too many details, trying to give her wise counsel, and looking up personal defense courses for her to take. She makes me proud every day with the loving choices she makes to always give the benefit of the doubt and love people, but there's this other part of me that wants to get a conceal carry licence and go down there and be her personal bodyguard. That would not go over well, so here I am again praying that God will grab her heart but especially her mind and help her make the right choices every day. I see His hand guiding her, to remain calm, avoid conflict, get in her car and call the police from a safe distance. I see His hand opening her eyes to the dangers around her and prompting her to chose justice over being overwhelmed and doing nothing. I see His hand protecting her and using these uncertain surroundings to grow my faith. I pray it grows her faith too.
Is that how He worries about me, about my choices, my safety, my soul? I don't think so, but in my limited human experience I feel a connection between my fretting as a parent and God's love for me as His child. He lets me figure things out but is always there for me to come back to. He sees the grand big picture from beginning to end, I struggle to connect the dots see the blessings in disguise that happen every day.
So here I am tired, can't sleep, stomach still turning; but I have peace in knowing that God is in control even, and especially when I am not. And He cares about every single detail of my life and my kids life and nothing is too big or too small to bring to Him. He knows it all but still wants us to come talk with Him and sort things out.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
