I've been thinking about blogging for a while. More like journaling, just to write my thoughts down. Not necessarily for anyone else to read but just to get them out of my head where it gets a bit crowded at times, you know? I'm naturally an introvert so there are always many active thoughts in my head that don't make it past my mouth.
I like reading. Most of the time. I love learning new things and seeing things through other people's perspectives. I've been keeping up with a few blogs lately. Mostly "girls" blogs, cooking, crafting, family and relationship stuff, but also the blogs of some sweet young women who are just starting their adult lives and to them everything is an adventure. I like that. I'm moved by their honesty and end up laughing and crying with and for them. I can see God moving in their lives, and I wonder... if I write, will other be able to see God moving in my life? More importantly, will I be able to look back and recognize the ways God was moving in my life at that moment.
I like writing. Sometimes. I'm just not very consistent at anything. Really. I am consistently inconsistent if that counts. I can't follow a regular schedule to save my life. I've tried for years, schedules just don't stick. Oh well, moving on.
Insomnia. This is a new one for me. Up to the last few weeks I could sleep like a rock (where did that saying come from? Rocks don't sleep!). I could fall asleep anywhere and sleep for a long time. Not exactly which one of my inconsistent habits changed all that, but here I am in the wee hours of the morning "blogging". I can fall asleep sitting up, on the couch watching TV or a good movie. I can fall asleep in a crowded room if I sit in a comfy (or not so comfy) chair. Or in a theater watching an action movie. On my nights off I am done by 9:00 pm. And then my eyes pop open around 2:00 am.
I've been working many nights in a row, forcing my self to stay up all night more nights than I sleep in my own bed. That might have something to do with it. Also, there are no kids school schedule to follow to keep track of the days of the week, and sport seasons and school commitments. So on any given day if you ask me what day it is, if I haven't looked at the calendar, I might just not know off the top of my head OK? Don't give me a GCS of 14 and say I'm confused, just a bit turned around. I think 44 it's too early for hormones to disturb my sleeping patterns, so that can't be it.
Tonight was pretty funny. As mentioned above, I was falling asleep watching some detective drama on the couch so I went to bed by 10:00 pm and was out like a light. I woke up and hoped it was close to dawn and looked at the alarm clock and saw it was almost 5:00 am, and thought to myself Yes! I did it! I slept more than 4 hours tonight! I tossed and turned for a bit trying to go back to sleep but then I vaguely remember my cell phone making a sound before drifted off to sleep. I think it was a text, so I checked it. Yup, it was the boy. Answering my text 8 hours later mind you. In his defense there's a nine hour difference between CA and Germany, but I digress. The point is, I looked at my cell phone, and the digital clock on it said 0140. What? That doesn't make sense. I refreshed the screen, looked at the 2 analog clocks I keep on another screen with the local time and Germany time. It's saying the same thing 0141 & 1041 respectively. I am very confused now. Then I remember... I remember the hubby coming to bed last night and fiddling with the alarm clock because the power had gone out the day before and it was blinking very brightly. Apparently I wrongly assumed he set the time, maybe he tried, maybe he just pressed enough buttons to make it stop blinking so loudly. Anyway, it's 0143 now. I'm up.
I can't remember when I first heard the saying that insomnia can be a gift, a reminder to spend some time alone with God and talk to Him. I am going with that since I talk to Him all day long in my head anyway. I'm just going to put it in written form and unravel my train of thoughts. He might be waking me up to have my undivided attention since I am so ADD sometimes.
"My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises" Psalm 119:148
That was actually one of the verses in the new Bible study hubby and I started today. Can you believe it?
So that verse comes to mind as I am debating whether to get up or fight with the pillow some more. Another thing we talked about in this new Bible study group was journaling, which brings me full circle to writing my thoughts down.
So here I go. I'm going to use this insomnia as a blessing.
"Thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through your fingertips" Dawson Trotman
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